3 Shows, 2 Hecklers, & 1 Bottle of Vodka (Part 1)

It was late. It was the third show of the night, and I was exhausted. As a general rule, a comedian does better when there’s a full crowd. More people means more potential laughers. There’s energy in the room which gives the comic energy to put on a good show. Everyone wins. But when there’s not many people there? And you’re already tired? You can imagine how tough it can be. But you still have to get it together. That’s your job.

This one night I was having a hard time getting it together. Being a comedian is like being in sales: nobody really gives a shit about your personal life. When you’re in sales, you have to put on a smile and play nicey-nice with the customers. When you’re a comic and your personal life is falling apart, you have to play laughy-laugh with the audience. You better take that shit in your life and make it funny or else nobody is going to like you. Except for the circus, nobody wants to watch a sad clown.

That day I had barely been able to get out of bed. I had broken up with another guy and was having a “why can’t I stay in a relationship” moment, when I got fired from my sales job only to be hired at a new sales job all in the same day. Only the sales job that had hired me, was the worst job ever. I didn’t really want the job at all. I interviewed, because I knew I was getting fired. I was getting fired, because I was a comic. I needed a sales job because I was a comic, and comics make no money. And the circle goes round and round. So there I was: no boyfriend, fired and hired in the same day, and sick of all of this shit. I had talked to a good friend about what to do regarding the job, and she told me to grow up. What the fuck?

Somebody once said, you can lay in bed all day as long as you get up and get on with it the next day; so that’s what I did. I laid in bed all day. Only I had to get up and get on with it that night. They never told me what a bitch it would be if you actually had to get up and get on with it the same night. Apparently there’s a real momentum to the day and after laying in bed, you don’t want to get up and get on with it. You want to continue to lay. Now it’s different if you’d been nursing a hangover or having sex all day. Hangover recovery or sex day - easy to get up. Laying in depression - hard to get up. I wish someone would’ve told me that.

TO BE CONTINUED...