It's Only Natural That I Hate You (Part 2)

The food came fast. We chowed down, and now it was time to go back to the hotel. Middle had a car. So DB went back to the hotel with him, but first checked in with me. He said, “What are you doing tomorrow?” And I really had no idea, so that’s what I told him. He wanted me to take him to Radio Shack. He needed to get something there and wanted to go to a few more stores.

This guy was really pushing it. He thinks I’m carting his ass over to Radio Shack and other stores all day tomorrow? I wanted to tell him off. But my manager loved this guy, and in comedy, even though your manager should love you, there’s so many of us for them to love, you want to always be in good standing. And that means being “nicey nice” to everyone.

So I made up a dumb lie which he didn’t buy, and then he said,“You’re the MC, and I’m the headliner. You’re supposed to accommodate me.” Taken aback, I said, “What?” He looked at Middle and said, “Can you believe the disrespect?” I hadn’t even come back with anything when he asked me to drive him to the show tomorrow, I said sure and he was gone.

The next day, I did what I always do. Nothing. You’re just totally exhausted after doing a show. I stayed up until 4 and then slept for half of the day. I worked out in the hotel gym and when I came back up to my room, there was a message from DB. He was calling about Radio Shack. I ignored the phone call. He never mentioned his room number to call him back, and I figured he’d probably call again. I never got another phone call from DB. I showered, got dressed, and was almost ready to leave when I called down to the front desk.

I asked to be connected to his room. They didn’t have him listed. I asked them to check again, but there was no listing. I knew he was staying here, but what the hell was I supposed to do? Knock on every door to find him? I didn’t know his cell. I asked for the manager. They didn’t have him listed. There was nothing else I could do. So I left.

When I got to the club, I told the booker what happened and that he might be late again. She, of course, was pissed. For all I knew, maybe Middle was driving him over. He could’ve walked. But then Middle showed up by himself, and we both knew what was going to happen. The booker couldn’t let him be late again. If he was seriously late again, it could screw up the entire night.

Middle and I were hanging out in the green room when DB came storming in. It was like a Spanish soap opera. You’d have thought I was his wife and had just slept with his brother, the look of betrayal was insane. He immediately started screaming. Why didn’t I call him? Where the hell was I? I’m supposed to be driving him back and forth... He even had the nerve to bring up Radio Shack again. What the hell did he need to buy there anyway? I tried to explain that I had tried to call his room, but he wouldn’t even listen. He just went on and on and on. Thankfully the first show was starting, so I left.

Both shows were great despite everything. The crowds were fun. Everyone did well, but DB had ruined it for everyone. He went over his time on the first show, so the second show started late. The weekend was a nightmare, and all I wanted to do was go home. The thought of having to deal with his shit another day made me cringe. So I had an idea.

TO BE CONTINUED...